We are already nearly to midterm of the first quarter.  1/8 of the way through the school year.  Doesn’t seem possible to be ticking off the time so quickly.  I am really enjoying my job change to the 7th grade.  I have a great team that I am working on.  Life is good.

Our students do present some challenges when it comes to academic diversity, but I know I am just exactly where I need to be this year.  I have lots and lots and lots of planning that needs to be done to develop this new curriculum.  I am excited about the way that I can experess some creativity as I develop this 7th grade curriculum!  This will be fun!

Isaac is having a great year in 2nd grade.  Emily is finding success in 8th grade, and Anna is doing a much better job juggling all of the different classes both high school and college.  I hope that we do get in our groove.  Find our way to enjoy, learn, live, and love.

I have spent some time contemplating a masters program next fall.  BUT, I don’t think that I can make the decision at this time to jump into it with both feet.  I keep thinking that I need to do the program, just in case, we have to relocate to a state where a masters degree is a necessity.  I have to rely on God, know that when the time is right, He’ll direct my paths to do the program if I ever need to do it.  Quite frankly, I would spend the difference in pay with no problem, but would we be better off?  I am not convinced.  I need to keep my focus on my family, on my hubby, on my kids.  They are growing so fast… I just want to enjoy them.

Today was day 1 out of 180.  It was a good day.  We have some really good kids.  We will have our ups and downs as the year goes on… but if we can keep the focus that these kids are given to us for a reason the we will have a good year.  I am excited about the challenge of a new curriculum.  I am excited about the challenge of a new team. 

I have felt so very lost with the loss of my “old team.”  I am happy for David and Lynne that they are beginning a new chapter called retirement, but I so loved working with them.  I just don’t know what I’d do without my Shippy Ship living next door to me.  I never imagined that I’d be so lost without him when he retired.  Losing Lynne was no easier, and I certainly don’t get to see her like I would like to.  We were a motley crew for sure, but we were good together.  I’m sad those days are gone. 

This morning my only remaining teammate came to find me.  Cam hugged on me and told me that it didn’t really hit him that my old room is no longer my room until just this morning.  I miss my old room.  I miss my old routine.  BUT, I’m excited about the future that is ahead of me.  I’m excited about my new teammates.  I’m excited about my new students. 

Change is hard.  But, change is good.  I will try to remind myself of that often.

I have moved from 8th grade to 7th grade over the summer.  This is a change that I am open to.  I have been excited about.  I am interested in the challenge.  All that said, I also spend a little bit of time wondering, if it has been the right move.  To stay where I was for the last 7 years was very comfortable.  Predictable.  Safe.  I knew the game.  I knew the people.  All was good in my orderly little world.

However,  I am excited about the team that I have been placed with.  I am pleased to finally have my room settled.  I am excited about the challenge of developing activities for a new curriculum.  This is going to be good.  It is going to be a lot of work… but it is going to be good.  I am happy to be planning with friends to create the science curriculum…. I am happy to be able to think about TRUE interdisciplinary units.  Now… to make it all a reality.  Today it begins. 

Anna has already started her sophomore year in high school.  She loves CECHS!  Emily will be in the 8th grade.  She has a fabulous team!  Isaac will be in 2nd grade.  We meet his teacher today.

I like a fresh start.  Lets make this a good one!

I have done a lot of thinking on the topic of forgiveness recently.  This came after some personal attacks that I need to let go of.  Some unfounded lies.  Some half truths.  Some postings that were hurtful and in some case dangerous to the well being of the cildren that I have in my care.  All that said, I have been thinking about how do you forgive?

I know I have to forgive.  I know that I have to not become bitter.  My big question is this…. Is it Biblical to forgive and not put my self in the same position to be hurt again.  Is it wrong to protect my children?  Am I really supposed to forgive and FORGET?  Forgetting implies that I don’t protect my heart at all.  I feel that I need to protect my heart and if that is the case did I truly forgive?

I’m talking in circles.  I really am looking for input.  What do you think?

Summer is just bubbling along here in Bethlehem, NC. 

The kids have had various activities, Driver’s ed for Anna, Bible School for all of the kids, Boy Scout Camp for Isaac, and church camp for Anna and Emily.  This week is pretty quiet with only Isaac at home, but it has started out to be a good week. 

Tony got new breaks put on the van.  That is a comforting thought with more trips up the mountain planned for this month.  I’ve been busy cleaning and sorting messes at the house.  We’ve had good friends and good food…. life is good.

The one fly in the ointment this week has been the realization that someone from my past is posting my videos of Anna and Emily on their website as though they actually had a part in their lives.  Then other people have made comments like, “One day they’ll know the truth.”  It was somewhat disconcerting at first to think that people would condone the choices this person has made.  That they would actually support that person.

I’ve done a fair amount of thinking and sorting through it.  First of all.  Good for him.  He has found videos of the girls that were intended to be shared with their grandma.  We also noticed that he was doing his looking and posting near my birthday.  That is probably no coincidence.  I don’t wish him any ill will…. but I do wish him the realization that when you make a choice to stop supporting, contacting, visiting, and being even listed as their “dad” on their birth certificate, it is hard to claim that you are a “Proud Dad.”  When in fact, you have absolutely no rights to them at all.  You see, when you make a choice to allow a real man to adopt your biological children, it negates any “ownership” to them at all.

Comments like, oh, they look like him.  Emily does not look like him except for hair color.  Dark hair is pretty common really.  Or, she has his talent.  Ummmmm, singing doesn’t only run in one side of her biology… in fact as I remember it, ummmmm never mind. … 

Emily is NOT like him.  She is bright.  She is talented.  She is wonderful in spite of the choices made by him.  She has excelled even when her biological father could only see himself. 

Anna is NOT like him.  She knocks the top off everything she tries.  She is loving.  She is caring.  She is a success even with things that he did to her.  But only once….. you see, as a Mom, you just can’t allow your children to be hurt by adults that are supposed to be protecting and nurturing htem.   

I am so blessed to be in the life I have.  Anna and Emily are so blessed to have this life.  A life where it is ok to be a strong woman.  A life where it is good to know your own mind.  A life where you don’t have to follow around a self-centered egotistical person.  You see, life is about raising up your family in as Godly a way as possible.  It is about putting them first.  It is about building relationships….. a man who gives his children up for adoption is certainly not building those relationships. 

My children, all of them.  Even the ones that only claim me as their wicked step mother, are very blessed children.  you see…. they have an earthly father who loves them very much.  A man who works hard to provide for their every need and many of their wants.  A man who might not always be ooey gooey icky sicky sweet, but a man who is constant, loving, stable and a real Dad.

So, for all of that….. Tony White, I love you.  I thank you, for rescuing me from the life I once had.  You see, I made the best of it for as long as I could… but I’ll be spending this 8th anniversary with the man I love.  The man of my dreams.  The father of my children…. the real dad…. Tony.  Happy anniversary on July 7.  I’m a blessed woman.

I am looking forward to it…. it is the only thing that I need to focus on this week…. well, other than digging out of my mess of a house… but you know how that is! 

VBS was a big deal in my early Christian walk… I’m glad that I get to give back!  God is good!

It has been a stressful end to another year teaching.  It was a good year in many ways.  I feel that I challenged my students to be better and do more this year and I’m pleased about that. 

It has been a sad year in many ways.  We’ve lost friends and loved ones.  We have many retiring.  We lost some to death.  It looks like there are big changes in store for GFMS in the fall.  It will be good when the “unknowns are answered and we see how the budget mess and hiring freeze shakes out come fall.  Bottom line is that we’ll probably have larger class size and get paid less.  Teachers must be in the classroom however … we’ll see how it looks in a couple of months. 

I don’t really know what it is to be burned out.  I don’t know if I’m burned out or not… but I do know that I am looking at this summer as a time to rest, relax, rejuvinate, and feed my soul.  Does that sound too lofty?  I want to read.  I want to paint.  I want to clean my house.  I want to sit by the pool.  I want to sit at the creek.  I just want to be. 

So… I imagine I’ll be spending some time here with my thoughts.  My brain will become clearer… life is good.  God is good.  We have much to be thankful for!

I do!

I wonder why often.  I even try to make sense out of things.  One of the first things I wonder is WHY do people so quickly believe unfounded, undocumented lies that some choose to tell about others?  Why is it that you have to spend time proving that you aren’t what others claim that you are?  Why does it matter?  I guess it really doesn’t.  I supposed that people can think anything that they want , as long as I know the truth, what else matters? 

I am going to focus on what I know to be true, what I know to be right.  Others will just have to say what they want and I will try not to focus any energy on it.  Yesterday I was derailed by an unkind comment.  A comment that was not really fact based, but rather what I feel was retaliation.  I don’t understand it really… but I spent some time talking with a man who probably had it right….

“You’re just a Yankee and there is nothing you can do about that.”  (Thanks Paul!)  He did tell me that at first he knew he and I would have problems… since I’m a Yankee and all.  We haven’t.  Not for seven years.  His perspective, may or may not be right, but this I do know…. I can’t help what people decide when it is not fact based.  I only have control of me. 

I refuse to lower the bar for expectations.  If that makes me bad, then I’m bad.  I refuse to lower the standard for behavior in my classroom or my family.  Those who disagree will just have to disagree.  I will continue to do what I know to be right.  Focus on what matters most, and do my darndest to move on. 

Thanks Paul!  Glad you gave this damn Yankee a chance… I needed your opinion yesterday.  It really did help.

 

Romans 12:18  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.    (By the way, this does not mean lower the standard, it really means to uphold it and God will do the rest!)

Anna has spent the last two weeks with me at GFMS helping.  She is officially a sophomore at Caldwell Early College High School.  Emily is now an 8th grader at GFMS.  Isaac, my wee babe is a 2nd grader at GFES.  They all had successful years and I’m proud of them.

Jeremiah is continuing at Caldwell Community College doing some automotive classes and, as I understand it, fighting with the car he bought this spring.  He will continue and perhaps finish an associates degree in the spring of 2010.  Gideon has finished, I think, his year as a 3rd grader being homeschooled… He is a 4th grade boy in the fall. 

Seems like they were all just wee babes…. no responsibilities…. not so much any more. 

We’re planning a slow summer of resting, relaxing, reading, and probably some mulch therapy in the yard.  Some kids appreciate and enjoy mulch therapy more than others.  If you are in any part of Western North Carolina, the back door is unlocked.  We’d love some low key company… you’re sure to find us in our play clothes… getting ready for 2009 – 2010 school year.  It will come fast I am sure.